Fear grew as tall as a gum tree and wrapped it’s tentacles around my throat, silencing my cries as I tried to call out for my mother. The wind stood still, not a leaf fell as the quiet eerily grew.
Where was she? How could she leave me? My little legs and the fear making it heavy as lead, would collapse before reaching the farm.
I ran, stumbling amongst the long grass,back to the house. I remembered seeing a bicycle down in the cellar.
I kept reading ayatul kursi as I climbed down the steps,into the darkness… my only solace and protection was the words… of the Quran… Allahu Laa ilaah illa hu… I kept repeating it like an unseen armour… Allah…There is no Diety besides Him…
I had learnt from Zulfikr,that it is a protection against everything… humans and shayateen…evil jinn.
Al-Hayyul Qayyuum… The Ever Living… The only being who will never abandon me…Allah alone..The Powerful
Only as I reached the bottom step… I realised that I did not bring the key with me.
La ta’khuzuhu sinnatau wa laa naum.. Sleep or slumber or tiredness will never overcome Him… Allah Ta’aala..is awake ,alert,caring,looking after,never tires… unlike us weak insaan… yet we still are stubborn in turning to Him. When I tire..He carries me forward.
I pushed the cellar door open and happily,it gave in…In my relief I didn’t realise that…It swung open too easily. Without a creak or sound. Even though it was not supposed to be used. Someone had oiled it.
500 km away.
Lahu mafis samawaati wal ardh… For Him, belongs what is in the sky and on the earth.
I opened my eyes. It was a strange hut. I squinted against the sunlight streaming through the window,from a cerulean blue sky.
Involuntarily, I thought… SubhanAllah… where did that come from… I had left behind all Deen… I hadn’t read salaah in months and I felt the darkness slowly encroach my heart till it became like a black wall that nothing seemed to seep through.
No guilt, no anxiety when I sinned, no thoughts of taubah.
But this little hut with it’s humble setting,reminded me of somewhere I tried to forget. Home. A tear escaped in it’s single track down my face.
Chapter (59) sūrat l-ḥashr (The Gathering)And be not like those who forgot Allah , so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.
I wanted to go “home” but I didn’t know how. I closed my eyes. Listening to a distant voice reading Quran in the distance…it sounded like ayatul kursi… somewhere in the cobwebs of my memory… I remembered Zulfikr reading it aloud after every fardh salaah,pretending he wasn’t reading it loudly so that I would memorise it. He would say… whoever reads ayatul kursi,after every fardh salaah..the only barrier between him and Jannah,is death.
‘aadaab’… a soft feminine voice called out… I turned my head towards it… and what my gaze latched onto,trapped my heart,tumbling down it’s spiral of darkness. The Ulamaa said..the sin of the gaze is the quickest way to lose all nur. And when you don’t have nur within you.. what will happen?