Leaves In The Wind. Chapter 12

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My eyes fluttered open and I wondered how long I had been asleep. “Johara!” Chachi exclaimed with such joy that I wryly thought I should sleep more often  if this was the welcome I got on awakening!

I  lazily smiled as Chachi felt my forehead. “Shukar!Shukar! it’s over.” As  she excused herself to go and call Chacha and my mother, ,like and unexpected gale wind,it all came back to me.

Ammi pulling me towards my fathers grave,seeing his qabr…  me passing out and the realisation that he was gone and nothing would be the same again,hit me with a fresh wave of pain.

Innalillah,innalillah… Zulfikar said I must keep reading that whenever I couldn’t bear the pain of losing my father.

“Innalillahi wa inna ilaaihi raajioon,to Allah we belong and to Him is our return,isn’t it amazing  Johara, that we are Allah’s and this whole journey is a return trip to  Him,we will all meet again there ,by Him,inshaaAllah and your father will be waiting for you there with open arms Ameen… we have to train ourselves to say Innalillah for little losses,like something gets burnt or we trip or the plant dies,anything and when something heavy hits us,we can say it immediately. Everytime you miss him,say it&remember he’s waiting for you on the other side of the bridge.”


“Just as we miss them,their loved ones like your late grandparents and his brother,also miss them and wait for them,that’s why when  a person passes away,all the souls rush to meet him or her and ask about their families,they’re eager for good news…so let’s give them some by doing good.”

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient). [Noble Quran 2:155]

Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” [Noble Quran 2:156]

I pictured my father in gardens of green,with balconies and palaces built of gold and silver bricks and flowers of every colour and scent,rivers running through them. Milk, honey and wine.

I  remembered Major Ilyaas asking my father if a river of honey would be sticky to swim in and shook my head. My father told him “It’s Jannat there’s no inconvenience there,that honey would be of a different and better feel.”

I pictured my father reunited  with my brother and one day hopefully,I would be with them, happily together in the gardens of Firdaus.

I didn’t know if he was there,but I knew Jannat is surrounded by all the things that are appealing to the nafs and one has to fight them,to reach Jannah&that’s what my beloved father did. And that’s the good opinion I held of the mercy of my Rabb.

And I got up slowly and went to the bathroom.

 ———————————————————————-Lose a little something everyday,

Then say Innalillah to lighten the way.

My beloved,in Paradise InshaaAllah,

We will meet again.

I miss you yesterday,tomorrow,today.

For between our first contact to the final parting,

No one could take your place.

And  in  this race,

Called life,

Between  it’s  happiness and strife,

I promise,

That I will never forget you.

Evergreen your memory will  I keep,

For my love for you,runs deep.

My beloved,in Paradise InshaaAllah,

We will meet again.


 I stop and remember

And the days rewind

And I wish I said this or had done that

And then I know you would’ve shook your head and asked me not to live in regret.

So I entrust you to our merciful Rabb, my beloved

And send forward, gifts upon gifts*

And I know you will be smiling

Even though I’m here and  you’re there

And the pain sometimes feels like more than I can bear,

I find solace,raising my hands and  asking to,

,in Paradise InshaaAllah,

We will meet again,my beloved.

To Allah we belong,

To Him,we all will return.

 Droplets of water fell off my arms as I wobbled with still weak legs towards my shelf  and opened my Quran,tracing the message my father wrote inside it  for me.

And as I read the Quran,my voice growing stronger and clearer with each ayah, I felt the pain  in my heart give a bit and the solace of knowing this would benefit  him,embrace my heart joyfully.

*Gifts- referring to sadaqah  jaariyah/esaal sawaab;

For example; Reading Tilawath,giving charity,making dua,digging a well,making zikr,building a Musjid,helping someone learn deen, assisting the weak,all with the niyyath  of sawaab for our deceased. This is something which will help them greatly and also be a means of full sawaab for us.

In memory of my beloved late grand-uncle and my uncle,both of whom left my life emptier for not having them in it anymore. May Allah make their abodes -Jannatul Firdaus.

I dedicate this post to my aunt A, my friends,R,S&S,who recently lost their beloved husband,mothers and grandmother. May Allah hold you in His mercy on those days when you feel you cannot move with the  weight  of grief,take hope,inshaaAllah,you will one day meet again in the fields of Firdaus-Ameen

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