Chapter 12; Two Drops



I tossed and turned fitfully. My eyes drifting to the digital clock on my stand, it was 2am. Still too early for tahajjud and too late to do any studying. I was still trying to get my sleeping patterns right so that I could start waking up for tahajjud. It was not always easy, sometimes I would leave the witr out so that I couldn’t hit the snooze button but Had to wake up because there wasn’t an option of leaving out the witr which was wajib.

My hand reached out for my phone and scrolled down to the alphabet N till I recalled with a jolt, our meeting in the park a few days back. I couldn’t be foolish and contact her now ,could I? shaitan attacks at our weak and lonely moments so that we find comfort in what will bring us deprivation of barakah long term.

I missed her, sometimes it was so bad that I would have to do some serious exercise or a Juz of the Quran or head downtown to the basement where they held muay thai classes,to refocus my energies. A pious person adviced this to me and also to make a lot of istighfaar (seeking forgiveness).

“Whenever you think of her,shift your thoughts to something else. Anything else until she will stop coming to mind.

When I confided in him that I loved her too much and didn’t know how to call time on our relationship without us drifting back to each other and I also worried that she wouldn’t understand that love before nikah is not liked by Allah Ta’aala, so this pious person adviced me;

“Create a fight, even if you have to say horrible things that will hurt her, so that it leads to a break up, if that’s what it will take. People often mistaken  the hadith that Allah is with a broken heart to mean someone whose illicit beloved has hurt them, whereas it means a heart which has been broken because a sin which you enjoyed? You didn’t commit it even though you Could have. That is when Allah comes into the heart of the believer. Whatever that sin may be. And work on your salaah. If you’re still commiting sin, it means there is a defect in your salaah.”

Verily, As-Salat (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha (ie great sins of every kind) and Al-Munkar (ie disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed, etc)Surah al-Ankabut, 29:45


We had all read two rakaats earlier. For there is no help except from Allah. Sometimes a person can have all the money and plans but it won’t happen if Allah doesn’t want it to.

A person can go to the best doctor and take the best medication, but it has no effect.

Maybe you want to make something, every ingredient is in place but it doesn’t come out right.

This whole world is a Means , it doesn’t mean that it will work how it’s supposed to because we have to understand that Everything happens and works,only and Only because Allah JallaJalaalahu wanted it to and if He didn’t wish for it to work out or benefit us,it never can.

One of the best ways of creating this yaqeen,conviction is to read two rakaats for whatever you need. Whether you have the means or not. Whether things seem totally possible or hopeless.

“And never give up hope of Allah’s soothing Mercy: Truly no one despairs of Allah’s soothing Mercy except those who have no faith.” (Surah Yusuf :87)

I surreptiously poured the rotten shorwa that gave us diarrhoea and actually led to the death of some prisoners,onto the floor of my cell,at the entrance. At least it will serve some good purpose hopefully.

I started rattling the rusty wires and swearing the Afghan puppets, the Northern Alliance.

A guard came running.  As wished. This plan had to go clockwork or else I could be tortured very, very badly.

“Get lost, your mother and father and your whole tribe are rotten wretches” I told him in my American accented Pushtu. And obviously he took it to heart and his face turned puce with offended pride. He couldn’t even open my cell properly, he was shaking with rage so bad.

Ya Rabb, please let Shahid be on time…please…please…

As he entered, totally focused on me… Shahid stealthily got into the cell without being noticed.

And attacked him from behind with a chloroform rag.

The guard went down like a sack of potatoes.

Shahid looked at me, “Go Now!” Without a word exchanged, a world of words was said unspoken.

I turned and ran.


5 thoughts on “Chapter 12; Two Drops

  1. Allahu akbar…. I am actually getting an anxiety attack for his sake.
    Mashallah sister, you’ve done it again. Its almost as if though you are talking directly to me in your posts. You always say exactly what I need to hear. May Allah continue to inspire you…

    1. ameen ,ameen. If only all the prisoners could escape their horrific torture,let’s keep making dua for them. I often felt a certain advice was meant for me when forever was being blogged:)

      1. :))
        That’s Allahs way of guiding us and being there for us..
        May Allah free all our innocent muslims around the world who have been unjustly subjected to cruelty, torture and imprisonment.

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