Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
Mother in laws and daughter in laws… the part they don’t include in fairy tales and romantic tales. Otherwise it would scare the reader off…just kidding…kind of ;
In the subcontinent and other parts of the world as well, it is considered a great ‘sin’ and tear inducing event if the son has to suggest living separately from his parents. Often the son is made to wallow in guilt for such ‘disobedience.’
Qari Siddeeq AR and his beloved wife Umme Habeeb AR, may Allah fill their qabr with nur and aafiyah, discussed this issue and decided they would follow Shariah’s ruling regarding this when their sons married.
The ahkaam of shariah is, if the husband can afford it and his parents are not frail or extremely old, then the couple should live separately. Have we heard of Any Sahabi living with his parents after nikah?
Even though Umme Habeeb AR and Qari Saheb were not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, they wanted their sons and daughter in laws to have their own space, however little, it was theirs and granted the couple privacy, freedom and was more conducive to hijab and hayaa and in-law harmony.
Surprisingly,it has been observed more than once, that parents who are not well off yet they support their son living separately whereas quite a few (extremely) wealthy families refuse to let their son and his wife move out…because ‘they cannot afford it’!
Qari Siddeeq’s teaching was, stay separately from the beginning, if you can. Don’t wait to move out after hearts have been broken. If blood family have differences then why will in laws not have?
He encouraged making full khidmah of the parents properly while living separately.In that way, more harmony is maintained inshaAllah.
Umme Habeeb AR, as a young wife, would assist her mother in law in the cooking for the students of the Madressa and would respect her completely and the fact that she was married to the only son of a lady who brought him up alone.
In later years, she was a model mother in law who never made any demands on her son’s wives and treated them with compassion.
The relationship between mother in law and daughter in laws was such that love and unity amongst them was noted. Sometimes they would eat in their own homes and sometimes eat at their parents in laws. Unfortunately, many women today prevent or don’t make an attempt to spend time at their in laws,how else will the bridges between hearts be built?
And some parents in laws want to dictate and control where and what their sons and daughters should do after marriage. Islam teaches us to kill our ego not try to get everyone to fan it further, however if one is tested like this then recall,
If someone wants to feed you lemon, place mithai in their mouth. Not for any other reason but to tame the nafs which goes wild when someone hurts us. And to please Allah by our akhlaaq and well timed silence.
If Umme Habeeb had to occasionally ask her daughter in laws to cook, they would become happy to be of service.
The Princess goes Home.
Once Qari Siddeeq AR was busy teaching when he was asked to go home immediately as Umme Habeeb had fallen ill and her condition looked severe. He rushed home and as soon as he saw her, held her feet and asked for maaf. Moments later…This wonderful woman who is a hidden gem and an example for us all, breathed her last. The faithful one who in her loyalty as the slave of Allah, became a princess and returned home to her RABB. (Master)
Often the mark of someone is how people feel their absence. People flooded in from all over on hearing of her demise. How sad it is that today, often if the person is wealthy or well known, then only their janaza is attended.
Qari Siddeeq said after her death, “Who does not feel grieved? This tragedy has a great effect on me. Only I know the extent of the grief I’ve experienced. Her favours on me were very great. She remained with me through poverty and difficult times- Her passing away has had a major impact one me.”
Becoming the princess of one’s partner is not through wearing 5 kg’s of foundation and dressing up alone, it is through adorning the heart and body too yes and more so, being a true partner. To enjoy the good times and get through the tough with grace. This is made easy and possible Only when the heart is handed over to Allah and the gaze looks at the final destination.
Umme Habeeb’s sons, although adults with their own families, would become so overcome with grief on the loss of their mother that they would go to sit in their fathers lessons to be near him and seek solace. He would then use the soothing words of the Quran and Hadith to comfort them.
He once said ‘When Ibrahim RA, the son of RasulAllah SAW passed away, then tears flowed from the eyes of Sayyidinah RasulAllah SAW, Abdur Rahman bin Auf RA,in amazement asked ‘Oh RasulAllah, do you also cry? RasulAllah SAW replied ‘Oh Ibn Auf this crying is due to rahma (mercy) and compassion. Tears will flow from the eyes and the heart will feel grieved but we will say only that which will make Allah Ta’aala happy. Oh Ibrahim, we are grieved at your separation.’
Qari Siddeeq went on ‘This is also my condition. Tears are flowing from my eyes and my heart is grieved but I will not say anything that will displease Allah Ta’aala.’
SubhanAllah, which condition of our life does not have an example to be applied from the life of our beloved SAW?
Qari Siddeeq AR would often speak of Umme Habeeb AR and her good qualities, not only that but he demonstrated his love when he bought food and fed the students and made an intention that the sawaab go to her. This is permissible according to all 4 Aimmah and recommended.
We should also give charity, read tilawah on behalf of our loved ones that we lost, inshaAllah someone will do the same for us after our deaths.
There is not ample space to fill in about what Qari Siddeeq said regarding his wife, but this is sufficient to know- that his memoirs of her practically glow with appreciation, respect and love. Who does not wish to be held in high regard like she was by her spouse? Then here is her example to follow.
Qari Siddeeq AR was very concerned about his wife after her demise, what was her condition on the other side. Allah Ta’aala blessed him with a dream of her. ( Dreams at the time of sehri are true and not influenced by shaitan.)
He dreamt that he saw a grand palace with beautiful rooms. She was relaxing on a beautiful unique bed and looked like a young bride. Her clothes and scarf were exquisite. He says such beauty and splendour he had never seen. She called him to come immediately but he informed her that there is still work for him to do and he will come after some time.
He says that after awakening from this dream, he had peace of mind (because she was in Jannah.) and realized his death was close and began preparing to meet it.
Before her death, he had a dream of Umar RA who told him that he had come to take Umme Habeeb. Her maternal lineage reached upto Umar RA.
A pious woman from a pious tree indeed.
May Allah Taala grant us the ability to make an impact like her on our loved ones, to occupy a space within their hearts and duas and to do it only for HIM.
Ameen Ameen Ameen
Tonight being Jum’ah, let’s not forget to read Salawaat (durood) on our beloved Nabi SAW and to make dua on this accepted day- also make for our salaf saaliheen…our pious predecessors…and certainly Umme Habeeb AR was from them inshaAllah.