Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
A garden remains plain till flowers adorn it. An oyster has no worth without a pearl within. We have no value and beauty till good character beats within us. Sometimes we may have lost the map on how to be truly feminine and graceful in strength but when we reach out to our RABB asking for guidance, why will HE ever deny it.
Continuing with the story of Umme Habeeb AR, a lady who was princess-like in her mannersims and character, we find that she had a quality which is something that if someone has to tell us to be such, we would throw a fit or become angry because apparently it is outdated and oppressive.
That quality is- OBEDIENCE.
I remember a time when observing those who were obedient to their parents and husbands, as oppressed. This spirit of obedience is not one where you become a shell of yourself or a doormat where you allow yourself to be trampled but one of cheerful obedience. And over time, this obedience makes the other party, pliant too.
“How many slaves ensnared their masters through their smiling, sincere submission.”
Obedience has created peaceful homes and peaceful hearts. May we reclaim this lost treasure, ameen ameen.
Umm Habeeb was like that flower who bloomed and turned it’s cheerful face to the direction of the Sun. And that sun was her husband, Qari Siddeeq Ahmed Bandhwi AR. She was obedient to him, happily.
Once Umme Habeeb was dressed and ready to leave for a wedding in another area, when she found out that her husband was unhappy about her going due to some reason. And although he never expressly forbade her from going, she immediately cancelled her plans and did not attend.
This is a very intense level of obedience by which great love thrives, where even without being told something, one does it or abstains from it. A hallmark of obedient sons and daughters who had their parents duas poured on them and went on to lead successful lives was to do /stay away from/ what their parents wished even without being told.
This is such a short and simple incident but has volumes of lessons, she could have made a fuss or discarded his sentiments since he didn’t tell her outright, but she preferred to opt out of a wedding in order to gain the pleasure of Allah via obeying and considering her husband.
What did her husband have to say about her? Her death caused him tremendous grief because she became precious through her obedience.
“Indeed, her death was a great lesson. No one imagined that she will pass away suddenly. Like a golden bird she just flew away. This tragedy was a great lesson for me.” – Qari Siddeeq.
A student narrates how once she asked a child to bring newspapers to place on the cupboard shelving when her husband mentioned that sometimes in the urdu newspapers the name of Allah Taala and Nabi SAW are written, hence it would be disrespectful to utilize them for domestic purposes. She immediately removed all the other newspapers from the cupboards and said she wouldn’t use them again.
One cannot have good akhlaaq without the quality of offering a helping hand to others. This is the foundation of all humanitarian efforts. While we remain in awe of those who make inroads via NGO’s and other projects, helping begins in our own backyard. If we make a change in our corner of the world, indeed we have achieved something good inshaAllah.
Umme Habeeb AR was known for her outstanding kindness. Are princesses not described as people of cascading kindness? Anyone can wear jewels, few can wear kindness.
The women of her family, as well as the village and non-Muslim women as well would come to her for their needs and ask for her assistance.
Let’s think over this, while her family women had the ease of familiarity with her therefore they came to her. How many of us fend off family just by our attitude? On the other hand, so many have a character which is inviting and warm and promises generosity, mashaAllah.
The village women were poor and often uneducated and could be intimidated by a lady who hailed from the ‘high class’ of society, but she was so humble and kind, that they did not hesitate and even though she was sublimely pious and always engaged in ibadat, her personality encouraged the Non-Muslim women to also feel extremely comfortable, enough to seek her help and advice.
She would always visit any of the women in the village who were sick and tend to them and also had the skill of delivering babies , via which the poor women would be helped greatly.
If someone requested a loan, she would assist via her capacity. As far as possible, no one left her, empty handed.
Qari Siddeeq AR mentions that he never asked her for an account of the money he gave her but on her own will, she would keep a record of what she spent.
One day he looked at the records and saw that most of the money was spent on others. She would lend money for sewing or she would give money to the poor Indians who were considered worthless in their society, whose daughter got married. Sometimes she bought medication and very rarely did she spend on herself.
May Allah Ta’aala grant us the ability to practice on the above and become people who are so inspired by Quran and Hadith, that it become’s our very nature. How many poor or even average class people cannot afford medication or something simple, if we spend that amount on them, how much easier will they breathe? One does not have to be wealthy to be rich, I observed my grandmother,may Allah fill her qabr with nur and barakaat, who like Umme Habeeb, hailed from a very wealthy family and married someone extremely poor. However they adjusted to their circumstances and did not ask their fathers to help. My grandmother was one of the most generous people I knew, from whom no one left empty handed even though she had very little to her name.
When one’s gaze is on the akhirat, everything becomes easier .
Regarding obedience, there are women who are obedient yet their husbands / parents abuse them instead of appreciate them, bear in mind , obedience does not mean accepting abuse. The women who have the best balance, are those who can be obedient yet have enough self esteem, that their loved ones will not take advantage of them.
This obedience or submission is not given grudgingly or spitefully or with a heavy heart but sincerely and cheerfully. That is the difference.
Lastly, make dua Allah Ta’aala blesses me with the ability to practice and imbibe what I write of because I certainly do not possess these sterling qualities but inshaAllah ,one day hope to.
To Binte Ahmed, JazakAllah for the feedback, inshaAllah we will return to ‘Two Drops’ soon, for too long I have dropped the story but Alhamdulilah with a return to good health now, the story shall make it’s comeback!
JazakAllah as well to sisters Sumaya, both 🙂